Ideas anyone?
Oct. 31st, 2008 11:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
namasteFor the "Come As You Aren't," I've been thinking about a couple of options, and settled on a House kidfic with a slight AU (as if Cuddy had ended up with Joy).
I'd like to work it into a "five things" story -- five reasons why House should never be left alone with a child -- but need a couple of more suggestions to fill it out. First readers/drive-by folks ... if you've got any ideas or concrit, please speak up. Here's the rough draft of what I've got so far.
ETA: Thanks for the input folks. I've posted a 1,700 word story above (though it's six things, rather than five because there was so much good stuff suggested). I probably could have come up with a mini-epic just out of the plausible aspects of the damage that House could do -- from Cuddy's POV anyway.
"Why is it so quiet?" Cuddy looks around House's apartment, sees Joy's diaper bag on the end of the couch, a bottle on the table, but there's no sign of Joy.
House doesn't look up from the TV as he nods toward the bedroom. "Because she's sleeping."
"How can she be -- " Cuddy shakes her head as she walks toward the bedroom. "She can't be sleeping." Joy's been teething for days, her cries keeping them both awake. But Cuddy sees Joy in the middle of the bed, surrounded by pillows and blankets to keep her from rolling off the mattress. She looks at her, sees her breathing deeply, her arms flung open on either side of her head.
She walks back into the living room. "How did you ..." she starts to ask.
"Drugs," House says. He tosses her a container from the table. Cuddy recognizes the label from the hospital pharmacy.
"Lidocaine?" She rounds the couch, stands between House and his TV. "You doped my baby?"
"I'm surprised you didn't. Fifteen minutes of that screeching, and I was ready to take her out to the woods and let her be raised by wolves."
"You doped my baby," Cuddy repeats. She walks back into the bedroom, flips on the light to look at Joy more closely. Joe doesn't react to the light.
"Oh relax." Cuddy hears House's steps behind her. "I diluted it for her weight and size."
"You doped my baby," Cuddy says again. She sits on the bed, picks up Joy, and is relieved with she wakes slights and reacts to her touch.
"You keep saying that as if you're shocked," House says. He walks back into the living room. "Maybe you should remember that the next time you dump your kid on me just because you have to work."
"I had to work," Cuddy says, wrapping Joy in a blanket, "because I had to clean up your mess and sweet talk a family out of suing us for fifty million dollars." She puts Joy's bottle in the diaper bag, slings the bag over her shoulder. She's wondering if she should take Joy to the ER and check her out, just in case.
"Yeah, well next time, ask Wilson to watch her." House sits on the couch again, watches the basketball game on the TV.
"Next time," Cuddy says, "I will." She holds Joy tightly and slams the door shut behind her.
------
"You let her play with your Vicodin?" Cuddy holds the bottle out, four tablets visible inside the amber plastic vial.
House snatches it out of her hand. "It's not my fault that you forgot to pack a rattle," he says. "I improvised."
-------
"What have you done?" Cuddy stands just inside the door, looking down at Joy.
"Mommy!" Joy jumps up from the floor, and runs to her, holding out a drawing. "I made you a picture," she says.
Cuddy manages to take her eyes off of Joy's head, where her long blonde hair has now been cut in uneven clumps and is so short it doesn't even reach her shoulders. "That's nice sweetie," she says, holding the picture of a house with trees in the front yard and something that may be a dog. Or a cat. "Now go get your things."
Cuddy waits until Joy is out of the room. "What have done?" She asks it in a whisper, but House cringes.
"Not my fault," he says.
"I ask you to watch my daughter for two hours," Cuddy says, "two hours, and when I get back ..." She waves her hand toward Joy, who's heading into the bedroom to get her jacket.
"If you ever let her have gum, she'd know that it's supposed to stay in her mouth," House says.
Cuddy shakes her head.
"Wilson suggested peanut butter, but that didn't work either," House continues.
"So ... you cut it," Cuddy covers her eyes.
"It looked funny with just one part cut, so I evened it out," he shrugs, "kind of."
"She's supposed to be a flower girl at my sister's wedding tomorrow."
"She likes it short," House says. "Isn't it more important that Joy likes her own haircut, than that she conforms to some arbitrary rules about beauty?"
Cuddy sighs, but doesn't say anything as Joy comes out of the bedroom wearing her jacket and carrying her pink backpack.
"Are we going to go see Aunt Maggie now?" she asks.
Cuddy takes her by the hand, reaches into her purse for her cell phone with the other and begins scrolling through the menu to find the phone number for the salon near her house, gets ready to beg them for an emergency appointment. "In a little while," she says. "We have to stop someplace first."
I'd like to work it into a "five things" story -- five reasons why House should never be left alone with a child -- but need a couple of more suggestions to fill it out. First readers/drive-by folks ... if you've got any ideas or concrit, please speak up. Here's the rough draft of what I've got so far.
ETA: Thanks for the input folks. I've posted a 1,700 word story above (though it's six things, rather than five because there was so much good stuff suggested). I probably could have come up with a mini-epic just out of the plausible aspects of the damage that House could do -- from Cuddy's POV anyway.
"Why is it so quiet?" Cuddy looks around House's apartment, sees Joy's diaper bag on the end of the couch, a bottle on the table, but there's no sign of Joy.
House doesn't look up from the TV as he nods toward the bedroom. "Because she's sleeping."
"How can she be -- " Cuddy shakes her head as she walks toward the bedroom. "She can't be sleeping." Joy's been teething for days, her cries keeping them both awake. But Cuddy sees Joy in the middle of the bed, surrounded by pillows and blankets to keep her from rolling off the mattress. She looks at her, sees her breathing deeply, her arms flung open on either side of her head.
She walks back into the living room. "How did you ..." she starts to ask.
"Drugs," House says. He tosses her a container from the table. Cuddy recognizes the label from the hospital pharmacy.
"Lidocaine?" She rounds the couch, stands between House and his TV. "You doped my baby?"
"I'm surprised you didn't. Fifteen minutes of that screeching, and I was ready to take her out to the woods and let her be raised by wolves."
"You doped my baby," Cuddy repeats. She walks back into the bedroom, flips on the light to look at Joy more closely. Joe doesn't react to the light.
"Oh relax." Cuddy hears House's steps behind her. "I diluted it for her weight and size."
"You doped my baby," Cuddy says again. She sits on the bed, picks up Joy, and is relieved with she wakes slights and reacts to her touch.
"You keep saying that as if you're shocked," House says. He walks back into the living room. "Maybe you should remember that the next time you dump your kid on me just because you have to work."
"I had to work," Cuddy says, wrapping Joy in a blanket, "because I had to clean up your mess and sweet talk a family out of suing us for fifty million dollars." She puts Joy's bottle in the diaper bag, slings the bag over her shoulder. She's wondering if she should take Joy to the ER and check her out, just in case.
"Yeah, well next time, ask Wilson to watch her." House sits on the couch again, watches the basketball game on the TV.
"Next time," Cuddy says, "I will." She holds Joy tightly and slams the door shut behind her.
------
"You let her play with your Vicodin?" Cuddy holds the bottle out, four tablets visible inside the amber plastic vial.
House snatches it out of her hand. "It's not my fault that you forgot to pack a rattle," he says. "I improvised."
-------
"What have you done?" Cuddy stands just inside the door, looking down at Joy.
"Mommy!" Joy jumps up from the floor, and runs to her, holding out a drawing. "I made you a picture," she says.
Cuddy manages to take her eyes off of Joy's head, where her long blonde hair has now been cut in uneven clumps and is so short it doesn't even reach her shoulders. "That's nice sweetie," she says, holding the picture of a house with trees in the front yard and something that may be a dog. Or a cat. "Now go get your things."
Cuddy waits until Joy is out of the room. "What have done?" She asks it in a whisper, but House cringes.
"Not my fault," he says.
"I ask you to watch my daughter for two hours," Cuddy says, "two hours, and when I get back ..." She waves her hand toward Joy, who's heading into the bedroom to get her jacket.
"If you ever let her have gum, she'd know that it's supposed to stay in her mouth," House says.
Cuddy shakes her head.
"Wilson suggested peanut butter, but that didn't work either," House continues.
"So ... you cut it," Cuddy covers her eyes.
"It looked funny with just one part cut, so I evened it out," he shrugs, "kind of."
"She's supposed to be a flower girl at my sister's wedding tomorrow."
"She likes it short," House says. "Isn't it more important that Joy likes her own haircut, than that she conforms to some arbitrary rules about beauty?"
Cuddy sighs, but doesn't say anything as Joy comes out of the bedroom wearing her jacket and carrying her pink backpack.
"Are we going to go see Aunt Maggie now?" she asks.
Cuddy takes her by the hand, reaches into her purse for her cell phone with the other and begins scrolling through the menu to find the phone number for the salon near her house, gets ready to beg them for an emergency appointment. "In a little while," she says. "We have to stop someplace first."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 03:59 pm (UTC)Joy coming back to Cuddy's office with a black eye--House had been juggling, so Joy tried it with what House had been using--his ball and stapler.
Cuddy comes upon House using Joy to sweep the floor--she's holding onto the end of his cane and giggling madly as he swipes her around the room.
It's...shocking how easy these are...
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:01 pm (UTC)Suggestions ... perhaps House, following his usual schedule, takes her to an off-track betting parlor and teaches her how to handicap the ponies? Or ... Cuddy leaves Joy with him for an evening, not realizing it's House's poker night?
And the drugging in the first part reminded me of James McMurtry's song Choctaw Bingo, in which he gleefully advises giving kids "a little bit of Benadryl in their cherry cola." Hee.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:04 pm (UTC)Reasons why House should never be left alone with a kid:
- House uses Joy to pick up a pretty woman
- Joy finds House's porn collection
- House teaches Joy how to swear in Yiddish
- House teaches Joy about Santa Claus (and Cuddy had hoped to avoid Xmas)
- Joy has a wonderful, fun, amazing time with House (nothing bad happens at all) and refuses to go home with her frazzled, grumpy mother
- If you want to go serious: House has a bout of extreme pain and even though he tries to hide it, it scares Joy
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:07 pm (UTC)I have a feeling that Cuddy really wouldn't like her little girl to have junk food. House likes junk food. Go with that thought...
Also, teaching Joy curse words...
"Accidentally" tripping her first boyfriend... who's six...
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:24 pm (UTC)This can be explained to Cuddy as the world's best seatbelt because she could fall off only if he falls off, and he's not going to do that.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 04:34 pm (UTC)Actually, the front-to-back hold, which is what you'd get if you zipped a baby up in your jacket, was the only position that soothed my son when he had colic.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 07:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 06:17 pm (UTC)My friend's husband taught their toddler son to say "Skank!" when shown a picture of Christina Aguilera. (It was during that unfortunate Drrrrty period.)
House would totally introduce Joy to "The Song that Never Ends" and convince her that Mommy would love to hear her sing it all the time. I'm also sure that once she was mobile and capable of following directions, House would consider her a small gofer of sorts. I bet her hand would fit through the flap at the bottom of the snack machine.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 07:45 pm (UTC)This definitely counts for the party. XD Great beginning!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 08:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-31 09:36 pm (UTC)House gets her a pet (an adorable little kitten that wrecks Cuddy's wallpaper, or an adorable although as it turns out later pregnant rabbit).
And I adore the thought of House taking her for a motorcycle ride.
And needless to say, I loved what you had so far (the rattle!! What's Cuddy bitching about anyway Vicodin has childproof lids, right?)!!