Beautiful as ever... love the fact that House's unconscious mind, through the faces from the past, is trying desperately to warn him of the dangers of his actions. And it is heartbreaking to see how much he is not paying attention to them. I know... as you say, unless you change the story, you can't change it, but still... it is heartbreaking to watch it happening, knowing what is to come.
Still absolutely ADORE your scene changes!!! And the sprinkling of small details that brings a story to life w/o overwhelming.... *takes notes*
Hadn't thought about the floating until you mentioned it in the comments here, but yeah, I can really see it now. Will have to go back and reread and see if there is any change to the quality of that floating as he moves through the story....
I just realized... it's about risk, the helping of others, particularly folk who have a disability. The risk of respecting too much v. too little, the risk of simply helping even when it might be taken badly v. asking a question that there may not be enough energy or inclination to answer. Stacy's scared... for possibly the first time, what she stands to lose is too much for her, and she blinks, which, as it turns out, is exactly the wrong thing to do. One feels for her....
" waking nightmares -- of falling on soap slick tiles, of breaking something, of losing even more." Love this line!
"the warmth and grace of the water dropping away" Beautiful desc....
"House shook his head. Part of him wanted to go. He’d almost bought a ticket when they went on sale. He’d even had the money. But he didn’t. Why should he? Just to remind himself of what he’d lost? " So powerful... and so true....
One piece of concrit, if I may... with apologies for not writing more clearly in the betapost.... I really like what you did w/the first dream of the first chapter... bolded the first paragraph, then went on w/the story. In the second and third chapters, I find the repeating of the bolded paragraphs in plaintext distracting and unnecessary, rather like a skip on a record. Also, I keep expecting the second dreams of the sections to be treated the same way, and they aren't, which also breaks the pattern of the story for me. This is a time when layout really matters to the flow, imo.
Overall, excellent as always! And there are two more chapters to look forward to!!! *happy dance* -Katrina
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Date: 2007-08-26 05:13 pm (UTC)Beautiful as ever... love the fact that House's unconscious mind, through the faces from the past, is trying desperately to warn him of the dangers of his actions. And it is heartbreaking to see how much he is not paying attention to them. I know... as you say, unless you change the story, you can't change it, but still... it is heartbreaking to watch it happening, knowing what is to come.
Still absolutely ADORE your scene changes!!! And the sprinkling of small details that brings a story to life w/o overwhelming.... *takes notes*
Hadn't thought about the floating until you mentioned it in the comments here, but yeah, I can really see it now. Will have to go back and reread and see if there is any change to the quality of that floating as he moves through the story....
I just realized... it's about risk, the helping of others, particularly folk who have a disability. The risk of respecting too much v. too little, the risk of simply helping even when it might be taken badly v. asking a question that there may not be enough energy or inclination to answer. Stacy's scared... for possibly the first time, what she stands to lose is too much for her, and she blinks, which, as it turns out, is exactly the wrong thing to do. One feels for her....
" waking nightmares -- of falling on soap slick tiles, of breaking something, of losing even more."
Love this line!
"the warmth and grace of the water dropping away"
Beautiful desc....
"House shook his head. Part of him wanted to go. He’d almost bought a ticket when they went on sale. He’d even had the money. But he didn’t. Why should he? Just to remind himself of what he’d lost? "
So powerful... and so true....
One piece of concrit, if I may... with apologies for not writing more clearly in the betapost.... I really like what you did w/the first dream of the first chapter... bolded the first paragraph, then went on w/the story. In the second and third chapters, I find the repeating of the bolded paragraphs in plaintext distracting and unnecessary, rather like a skip on a record. Also, I keep expecting the second dreams of the sections to be treated the same way, and they aren't, which also breaks the pattern of the story for me. This is a time when layout really matters to the flow, imo.
Overall, excellent as always! And there are two more chapters to look forward to!!! *happy dance*
-Katrina