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Drive By Beta, Part II
Aug. 19th, 2007 11:46 amOK, so I've been playing with the concepts some of you gave me, and before I fully commit, wanted to get feedback as to the general feel of it -- specifically if the concept involving dreams, Stacy, Crandall, et al works -- as well as any more specific concrit you've got.
It looks like I'll be breaking this up into chapters, but I'm not wholly commited to that, if you have other ideas. This would basically be the first two chapters, probably with two more to come. I'll be tweaking language, wording and such, so this would probably qualify as draft 1.5. I'm also not certain if I've got enough to establish House pushing Crandall away here, of if I need to ramp that up a little more, so anything any of you have in that area will help.
Right now it's got he working title of The Past Is The Present (It's The Future Too) mosty because I was rewatching "Long Day's Journey into Night" (the Jack Lemmon, Kevin Spacey, Peter Gallagher, Bethel Leslie version). But that's a bit of a mouthful, so that may change.
Any and all feedback/concrit appreciated.
He dreamed he was in Egypt. He was nine years old, and had fallen asleep in the shade of the pyramids in the middle of the day. He could feel a drop of sweat making its way down the side of his face. It tickled, and he wanted to wipe it away, but moving took too much energy, his arms felt too heavy.
( Read more... )
It looks like I'll be breaking this up into chapters, but I'm not wholly commited to that, if you have other ideas. This would basically be the first two chapters, probably with two more to come. I'll be tweaking language, wording and such, so this would probably qualify as draft 1.5. I'm also not certain if I've got enough to establish House pushing Crandall away here, of if I need to ramp that up a little more, so anything any of you have in that area will help.
Right now it's got he working title of The Past Is The Present (It's The Future Too) mosty because I was rewatching "Long Day's Journey into Night" (the Jack Lemmon, Kevin Spacey, Peter Gallagher, Bethel Leslie version). But that's a bit of a mouthful, so that may change.
Any and all feedback/concrit appreciated.
He dreamed he was in Egypt. He was nine years old, and had fallen asleep in the shade of the pyramids in the middle of the day. He could feel a drop of sweat making its way down the side of his face. It tickled, and he wanted to wipe it away, but moving took too much energy, his arms felt too heavy.
( Read more... )